Trying to get back in a routine

Since my last post a lot has changed. Every day that passes gets a little easier on dealing with the emotions. Curtis and I both still have our moments, but we always will. I have to say that the best thing for me has been our sweet Noah. He has been a life saver to me, and helps me realize that I have to be strong for him and not just myself. The first night we actually got out as a family to go eat, we went to go see "The Big Boy" as Noah says:) He loves this place and always has to walk up to the Big Boy, wave and say hi & bye to him (so very cute). He even got his picture made with me during this trip. This was a big moment for me since I was out of the house, going out to eat, and having a good night again for the first time in a while. Sadly.. it was the same night that Curtis had made the dreaded trip to Babies R Us to cancel our Layaway order for all of the baby furniture (2 cribs, dresser, bassinets, etc.) that we had placed. I couldn't go in the store, so he and my mom did that part for me. This wasn't easy for either one of them either, but they did it so I wouldn't have to. I was so thankful to them both! The last time I was in there was when I was picking out the furniture... I just wasn't ready to make that step yet, but this was only 2 weeks after it happened. I am happy to say that I took a BIG Step for me, and went into Babies R Us this week (week 4) to take care of paying off a chair that I had placed on layaway that I still wanted. I had a rush of emotions hit me, but I did it, and didn't cry! That night when I was alone with Curtis, it did hit me and I had a moment. The good thing is that I cried, he held me in his loving arms to help me get through the moment, and I did. I realize that this is normal and these moments will always happen, but as long as I know God is there for me, my husband, & my family/friends, I will get through them:) I'm very Blessed.. even during the rough times:)

Now that you know how I'm doing, please know that Curtis is doing well also. He is very strong and has been there for me every second of every day! He is a true Blessing to me. I couldn't have gotten through this time in my life without him. I have tried being there for him also, and I only pray that I have done OK so far. He is a lot stronger than me, but I try to be strong for him as well.

Noah is also doing well. He is going through a little anxiety with being away from me since I have been in the hospital, but we are working through it. He is actually staying with Mammaw and Papaw tonight, and is doing OK:) We want him to realize that when he comes home tomorrow, mommy will still be home. He is such a sweetheart, and I hate seeing him upset over anything. I hate that he is going through this, but he has had bronchitis too, so that has played a little in this anxiety as well. He finished his antibiotic yesterday, and seems to be feeling a lot better. He still has a cough, but it's a lot better! Here are a few pictures of him playing outside in our yard a couple of weeks ago.

Overall.. The Moss Family is doing very well. Thank you again for all of the prayers and support so far.. we couldn't have made it thru this without everyones prayers:)

February 24, 2012

February 24, 2012 is a day that the Moss Family will never forget. This is the day that my sweet baby boys, Adam Jacob and Cody Matthew Moss were born. Sadly, it is also the day they passed away, and entered into Heaven to become our two Guardian Angels. I think that under the circumstances, the Moss' are doing very well. Our Faith is very strong, and that has been a huge help for us during this devastating time.
I know there are a lot of parents in this world that have had to go thru similiar or the same situation that we have had to, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone! It was hard for me even to read the last blog I had posted, because I know I wrote that when my sweet boys were still safe inside my belly. There are so many times that I try to figure out why this had to happen to me and my family, but that will be a question that I will never know the answer to. I also keep replaying the day over in mind trying to figure out what I could've done differently! I do know that God has a reason for this, and as hard as it is for me to understand, I have to have Faith in his decision. I do have to admit that even though my faith is strong, as a mommy I struggle with still wishing that my baby boys were here with me. Does that make me a bad mommy? I struggle with that too. Does God think I'm a bad mommy? I know he doesn't, but I would be lieing if I said I didn't think that every once in a while when I'm down. If my boys can't be with me, I know that there is no better place than to be in Heaven with our true Father watching over them. They are perfect and they can't hurt, so what parent wouldn't want that for their babies? I do want that, but I just wish they could've been here with us too:( Noah would've been such a good big brother to them and protected them like a big brother should. Instead, they are now watching over their big brother and protecting him as his guardian angels.
I am posting this blog to let all of our family and friends that keep up with us this way, know that we are doing ok. We take it day by day, but we are doing ok. Our family is stronger having gone through this devastation. We trust in the Lord and continue to count our Blessings. We give Noah a little more love each day even though we didn't think that was possible! We also thank the Lord for allowing us to have the couple of hours with Adam and Cody that we did, so we could hold them and give them as much loving as we could before we had to say our goodbye. This is something that we hope we never have to go through in life again.
We would like to thank everyone for all of the love, prayers and support we have received. We are very humbled! We just ask that everyone take a moment to count your Blessings in life. We also ask that you give your children (big or small) an extra hug and kiss tonight.
There are no pictures in this post, because we have decided that we won't post any of our sweet Angels. Just know that Adam and Cody were perfect in every way and they both left a huge mark on mine, their daddy's and brother Noah's heart forever! They were very small in size, but their hearts were huge! Adam Jacob was 15.2 ounces and 11 inches long, and Cody Matthew was 15.6 ounces and 11 inches long. My sweet boys will be forever remembered as the true fighters they were! Their lungs weren't developed, but their little hearts were beating as long as they could. They passed away within 13 minutes of each other, and I truly think that Adam was calling for Cody to come and be with him once again. We know they are waiting in Heaven for us, and will welcome us all with open arms when we are together as a family again one day:) Until then... they are both watching out over us as our Guardian Angels! How Blessed are we.. we not only have 1 gurdian angel, but 2!

2 Nights without our sweet boy:(

For the first time since Noah was born, I had to be away from my sweet boy for 2 nights:( I was very depressed and did a lot of crying, but I'm very thankful that he was with his Mammaw and Papaw having a blast! I even called to talk to him last night, and he said he didn't want to talk to me because he was busy playing ball with Papaw. I am so very thankful that my parents are willing and able to keep him for us when we need their help. I hope that we don't have to ask them to keep him for us anymore under these circumstances, and the pregnancy continues to go good. Just to keep you all updated in my pregnancy...we had a scare Saturday evening that continued into Sunday morning. I was having a mild amount of spotting, so I called the Nurse thru our insurance company to see what I should do in this situation. The Nurse advised me to go to the Hospital to get checked out to make sure I wasn't going into pre-term labor. Of course, I got very upset. I hung up the phone and asked Curtis to take me to the Hospital. I cried on the way to the hospital, once I got to the hospital, and when I called my mom to let her know I was OK at the end. This was crying due to me worrying about my sweet twin boys and their safety and health. As a mommy, all I want is to protect them, and at this point in time, it was out of my hands. That is not a feeling I want to experience again! When we arrived at the hospital they plugged me up to some monitors to see if I was having any contractions, which I wasn't. They then decided to give me an ultrasound to check the babies and me. Everything turned out great, and they released me to go home.

They did tell me to get a lot of rest, no heavy lifting (this one is hard,

because I'm not allowed to lift Noah at all anymore, but I'm following instructions), and to keep my next Dr. Appointment. They said this

is normal, and I will probably experience it more the further along I get in my pregnancy. We will keep you all posted.

Now you know why my parents offered to keep Noah for us for 2 nights. A very special thank you goes out to my parents for helping us during this time. I didn't want to do this, but I knew that I needed the rest. I was so happy to see him come home from daycare today. He ran up to me giving me the biggest hug ever! It was so funny last night, because as Curtis and I were sitting around it just didn't feel right. I laughed and told him how weird it was that this used to be our life at one time, and now it just felt so wrong! He agreed and then we started talking about Noah!! Our life revolves around one very sweet growing boy, which will soon (we hope not too soon though) include 2 other very sweet baby boys:) We love it:)

Our little family is complete again tonight, so we are all very happy here in the Moss household! I am very thankful for our family, and all of the support Curtis and I are receiving throughout my pregnancy. I'm going to end this so I can go spend some more time with Noah before Daddy gives him his bath.

We are having......

I'm sure that most of you already know this, but I thought I would post a blog to announce what new sweet additions we will be having in the Moss family, once the twins are born. We went for our Ultrasound on Monday, and found out we are having twin BOYS! I have to admit that we were shocked when we found out the big news, because we thought for sure that we were having girls this time around, but we are still super happy with the news! We are looking forward to all of the exciting years ahead we have with our house full of little boys running around:)

The ultrasound also showed us that so far in the pregnancy the twins are doing great, so we couldn't ask for more. They are both growing great, and they both weigh 10 ounces at the rate of being 19 weeks and 1 day old,

which is what they are exactly! Everything is developing the way it should

within them both, so it was great news all around for them! They were not scared at all to be on camera, because they were very active the entire ultrasound. They put on a good show for us all.. I wonder who they get that from? We were also very happy to hear that they were able to see by performing the Ultrasound that as of right now, it looks like I should not experience pre-term labor. Now this can change down the road, but we are just very happy that it looks good as of right now. We will just continue to pray that we keep having good appointments like we had this week.

A question that everyone has been asking us is if we have names picked out yet, and the answer is yes. We have had names picked out for a while, but

they have changed a couple of times along the way. Please don't hold us to these, because they could

change again, but we think these are the ones we are sticking with for good. The first born will be named Adam Jacob Moss, and the second born will be named Cody Matthew Moss. Noah is already practicing saying his brothers names, which is adorable all on its own. Noah also got to watch the ultrasound video, and he just sat there in shock, especially when he heard the heart beats:) Very cute!!

We are very excited about our family growing. 3 Boys in the Moss family=triple the love!! We are getting mixed emotions when we tell people that we are having boys again. A lot of people keep telling us we are going to have our hands full with boys too. We know that we are going to have our hands full, but it wouldn't matter if they were girls or boys that would still be the case. We are going to be fine, and we are only focusing on all the Positive things! When I think of raising 3 little boys, it warms my heart. 3 boys that will one day be true gentlemen in this crazy world we live in:) Can you tell I'm already one very proud mama? They also have one very proud and excited daddy!

32 Months Already!

Last Monday, my sweet boy turned 32 months old! Crazy that he will be 3 years old in 4 months! He is growing up so fast before our eyes into such a smart and very sweet little boy. Of course he can have his momments like any toddler does, but I wouldn't have him any other way. I thought I would use this post to say 32 things about Noah at the age of 32 months:) Hope you enjoy!!

1. You love fruit.. especially Apples & Bananas

2. You love to eat spaghetti

3. You want Daddy to let you ride on his back around the house every night!!

4. You will say "I love you" to me and your daddy in the sweetest voice ever to melt our hearts!

5. You can count up to 15 on your own with no help.

6. You are finally starting to learn all your colors. It turns out that you have known them for a while, but you like to be silly and mess with mommy and act like you didn't.

7. You can name almost all the trains and characters from Thomas & Friends.

8. Thomas is still your favorite cartoon along with Calliou.

9. You started liking Mickey Mouse Clubhouse a lot lately! You even told Mommy that is what you want your 3rd birthday party to be:)

10. You can sing the Bible Song almost all the way thru by yourself.

11. You can sing parts to Deep & Wide and Jesus Loves Me.

12. You love to work puzzles, especially your Thomas ones, your Big Elmo & Cookie Monster ones.

13. You tell Mommy and Daddy that you want 2 sisters instead of 2 brothers.

14. You tell the babies in mommy's belly all the time that you love them.

15. You will kiss mommy's belly at night sometimes and tell the babies goodnight:) Very sweet and makes me tear up with a smile every time.

16. You tell us your sick a lot lately, and when we ask what's wrong you reply "my belly hurts because of the babies". You hear mommy say that, so you think you can too!! Very cute and funny!!

17. You still haven't gone to the potty yet, but at least you are working on it a little at a time for us.

18. You love to eat scrambled eggs!

19. One of your favorite things to do right now is to help mommy or mammaw cook! I think we might see a Chef in our future:)

20. You weight 35.6 lbs.

21. You are a little over 3 feet tall, but growing more daily!

22. You still want mommy to rock you at night, which is fine by me:)

23. You do very good at sleeping in your own bed. There are some nights you end up with mommy and daddy, but it's mostly when you are sick or it's stormy.

24. You love to go visit Nana and Pop even though you don't understand the long ride.

25. You love to go spend the night at Mammaw and Papaw's house whenever you get the chance.

26. You love to play in your room since it's too cold to go outside.

27. You mostly walk all the time now, which mommy is very greatful for!

28. You speak very clearly, and your babysitter tells mommy that you have passed all the kids at your daycare with your speach:) Mommy and daddy are very proud of you!

29. You are a good eater!

30. You get along very well with other kids:)

31. You still love to play with any type of ball, especially basketballs & footballs.

32. Your favorite team is UK.. You are always saying "Go Cats" when you see anything with UK on it:) Needless to say.. Mommy and Daddy are loving it!

Yes, we went for our Ultrasound today, but this post is all about Noah:) I will post a blog in the next couple of days to talk about the twins and our Dr. Visit today. All good news, but you will have to check back in with us. Until then... Take time out of your busy schedules to count your Blessings:)

We're back in 2012!

It has already been one crazy year for the Moss family, and it's only 15 days into the new year! Even though it has been crazy, we think this is going to be a really good year for our family, or at least that is what we are praying for.

I want to apologize to everyone for not posting a blog in so long. In case you don't already know, our family is expecting some extra additions to it that we are very excited about. Yep, that is right.. Noah is going to be a Big Brother to Identical Twins:) I didn't even know it, but it turns out that twins run in my side of the family. You can only imagine how shocked we were when we were looking at the Ultrasound screen and saw not only 1, but 2 babies! Don't worry though, even though our lives are about to change

drastically, our love for each other will not. I never thought our

family could have more love than it does, but it soon will, and we are looking forward to it! Don't get me wrong, like every family we

do have our ups and downs because we are definitely not perfect. We just take it day by day and continue to look forward to our little bundles of joy in the near future. Noah is very excited even though I don't think he really understands yet since he is only 2 1/2 years

old. He will be a great Big Brother!! When I think of our family, I think of the song, "I could not ask for more"!!

Since we have entered 2012, Noah is really getting to be a big boy. We still haven't started potty training him yet and that is completely our fault (please don't judge), but we have started to slowly work on it here lately. We are taking baby steps, and daddy is helping out a lot. We have started having him try to go before bath time at night just to get him used to sitting on the potty, and he is really trying hard, but we haven't had any luck yet. He knows that he has a reward waiting for him when he goes in the potty for the first time, so he is very excited about that. I also bought him some underwear this weekend for when we really dive into this soon! I will keep you updated on our progress. Noah is also walking a lot more for me now that mommy's belly is getting so big. He climbs into his car seat by himself, walks up and down the stairs by himself, and when we go places he will walk in most of the time now. He is still very shy when he first gets around people and that is when he normally wants to be held, but luckily he is letting daddy do that most of the time now:) Daddy is becoming the center of his world now that he is getting older. It makes me happy, but it makes me wonder if I will continue to fade out of his little world so early. Even though we are going to have 2 new babies in our life, I don't want Noah to ever feel like he is not important or as loved as he is now! Nothing will ever change that, and I will make it a point in my life to make all my children feel equally as loved as the other:)

Noah is also a little Chef now! As you can see in the first picture, he loves to help anyone cook. This picture was taken around Christmas when he was helping my mom make her broccoli casserole. He even helped his Pop make him some scrambled eggs when we went to visit them over the Holidays. He helps me fix dinner at nights which is a very special time for me. These are the moments I will never forget. There will never be a better feeling than when I get home in the evenings from a stressful day at work, and see his little adorable face running towards me calling out "mommy's home"! I LOVE IT!!! He makes all my troubles go away and that is not an easy job.

Noah is doing good. He is just now getting over the croup and another ear infection. Poor little guy gets ear infections every time the weather changes it seem like. The Pediatrician still doesn't think tubes are necessary, so we will trust him since he is the Doctor:) Noah is 35.6 lbs. and is over 3 feet tall. Where did my little baby go? I am happy that he is healthy and growing like he should, it just feels like it's all happening so fast. He is talking more clearer everyday, and it's adorable. I love to hear him tell us "I love you" it makes my heart melt every time!

We hope everyone is doing well and we will talk to you soon. I have an appointment tomorrow to check on the twins, so please pray that everything goes well. I'm always so stressed, because there is only so much I can do to protect them right now:( I do everything I can so hopefully everything will be fine for a healthy pregnancy.

Big Boy Already?

As many of you already know, we have been having some trouble with getting Noah to sleep in his own bed at night. This just started happening last month, and got to where he always wanted to sleep in mommy and daddy's bed. Yes, I know...it wasn't a good thing to put him in bed with us, but you do what you have to do sometimes! I didn't want to put him through the stress of hearing him cry it out (My heart won't let me do that to him), and since both Curtis and I both work, we were just doing whatever we could to make sure we all got the sleep we need. We know that Noah was sleeping good, but mommy and daddy weren't. If we weren't getting kicked, we were getting hit in the face, etc. by Noah. Let's face it.. there just isn't enough room in a queen size bed for 2 adults and a toddler that wants to sleep side ways and flip around throughout the night.

I am happy to announce that we solved the problem!! It turns out that Noah was just trying to tell us that he didn't like his crib anymore, and he wanted to sleep in a big boy bed:) Last weekend Curtis converted Noah's crib to the toddler bed, and Noah loves it! He is sleeping in his own bed again, so the Moss family is all happy again:) It's so cute how excited he is that he can get in and out of his bed all by himself. This is just another sign that Noah isn't a baby anymore(well.. he will always be to me) and is getting to be such a big boy. Noah, mommy and daddy are so proud of you! We love you big boy!

Our next step in your becoming a big boy phase is going to be the potty training stage! This is a stage that is going to need mommy to be at home for an entire weekend without leaving the house, so I have decided to make this my mission on Thanksgiving weekend. Hopefully mommy can think of some creative ways to make this a fun learning experience for you. Thanks to some of my friends, I already have a few to try:) I will keep everyone updated on our progress. Say a prayer for us!

I am very excited that Noah is turning into such a good little toddler. He has his moments like every kid does, but overall he is a very sweet and smart little boy:) He does so many things now on his own! He climbs in his car seat on his own and doesn't want me or Curtis to help him, he puts his shoes on his own, opens doors on his own,etc. The list gets longer every day that passes. He's definitely going to be a very independent boy:) I just hope that he understands that no matter how big or independent he gets over the years... he can always come to mommy and daddy for anything! We love you so much:)