Trying to get back in a routine

Since my last post a lot has changed. Every day that passes gets a little easier on dealing with the emotions. Curtis and I both still have our moments, but we always will. I have to say that the best thing for me has been our sweet Noah. He has been a life saver to me, and helps me realize that I have to be strong for him and not just myself. The first night we actually got out as a family to go eat, we went to go see "The Big Boy" as Noah says:) He loves this place and always has to walk up to the Big Boy, wave and say hi & bye to him (so very cute). He even got his picture made with me during this trip. This was a big moment for me since I was out of the house, going out to eat, and having a good night again for the first time in a while. Sadly.. it was the same night that Curtis had made the dreaded trip to Babies R Us to cancel our Layaway order for all of the baby furniture (2 cribs, dresser, bassinets, etc.) that we had placed. I couldn't go in the store, so he and my mom did that part for me. This wasn't easy for either one of them either, but they did it so I wouldn't have to. I was so thankful to them both! The last time I was in there was when I was picking out the furniture... I just wasn't ready to make that step yet, but this was only 2 weeks after it happened. I am happy to say that I took a BIG Step for me, and went into Babies R Us this week (week 4) to take care of paying off a chair that I had placed on layaway that I still wanted. I had a rush of emotions hit me, but I did it, and didn't cry! That night when I was alone with Curtis, it did hit me and I had a moment. The good thing is that I cried, he held me in his loving arms to help me get through the moment, and I did. I realize that this is normal and these moments will always happen, but as long as I know God is there for me, my husband, & my family/friends, I will get through them:) I'm very Blessed.. even during the rough times:)

Now that you know how I'm doing, please know that Curtis is doing well also. He is very strong and has been there for me every second of every day! He is a true Blessing to me. I couldn't have gotten through this time in my life without him. I have tried being there for him also, and I only pray that I have done OK so far. He is a lot stronger than me, but I try to be strong for him as well.

Noah is also doing well. He is going through a little anxiety with being away from me since I have been in the hospital, but we are working through it. He is actually staying with Mammaw and Papaw tonight, and is doing OK:) We want him to realize that when he comes home tomorrow, mommy will still be home. He is such a sweetheart, and I hate seeing him upset over anything. I hate that he is going through this, but he has had bronchitis too, so that has played a little in this anxiety as well. He finished his antibiotic yesterday, and seems to be feeling a lot better. He still has a cough, but it's a lot better! Here are a few pictures of him playing outside in our yard a couple of weeks ago.

Overall.. The Moss Family is doing very well. Thank you again for all of the prayers and support so far.. we couldn't have made it thru this without everyones prayers:)

February 24, 2012

February 24, 2012 is a day that the Moss Family will never forget. This is the day that my sweet baby boys, Adam Jacob and Cody Matthew Moss were born. Sadly, it is also the day they passed away, and entered into Heaven to become our two Guardian Angels. I think that under the circumstances, the Moss' are doing very well. Our Faith is very strong, and that has been a huge help for us during this devastating time.
I know there are a lot of parents in this world that have had to go thru similiar or the same situation that we have had to, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone! It was hard for me even to read the last blog I had posted, because I know I wrote that when my sweet boys were still safe inside my belly. There are so many times that I try to figure out why this had to happen to me and my family, but that will be a question that I will never know the answer to. I also keep replaying the day over in mind trying to figure out what I could've done differently! I do know that God has a reason for this, and as hard as it is for me to understand, I have to have Faith in his decision. I do have to admit that even though my faith is strong, as a mommy I struggle with still wishing that my baby boys were here with me. Does that make me a bad mommy? I struggle with that too. Does God think I'm a bad mommy? I know he doesn't, but I would be lieing if I said I didn't think that every once in a while when I'm down. If my boys can't be with me, I know that there is no better place than to be in Heaven with our true Father watching over them. They are perfect and they can't hurt, so what parent wouldn't want that for their babies? I do want that, but I just wish they could've been here with us too:( Noah would've been such a good big brother to them and protected them like a big brother should. Instead, they are now watching over their big brother and protecting him as his guardian angels.
I am posting this blog to let all of our family and friends that keep up with us this way, know that we are doing ok. We take it day by day, but we are doing ok. Our family is stronger having gone through this devastation. We trust in the Lord and continue to count our Blessings. We give Noah a little more love each day even though we didn't think that was possible! We also thank the Lord for allowing us to have the couple of hours with Adam and Cody that we did, so we could hold them and give them as much loving as we could before we had to say our goodbye. This is something that we hope we never have to go through in life again.
We would like to thank everyone for all of the love, prayers and support we have received. We are very humbled! We just ask that everyone take a moment to count your Blessings in life. We also ask that you give your children (big or small) an extra hug and kiss tonight.
There are no pictures in this post, because we have decided that we won't post any of our sweet Angels. Just know that Adam and Cody were perfect in every way and they both left a huge mark on mine, their daddy's and brother Noah's heart forever! They were very small in size, but their hearts were huge! Adam Jacob was 15.2 ounces and 11 inches long, and Cody Matthew was 15.6 ounces and 11 inches long. My sweet boys will be forever remembered as the true fighters they were! Their lungs weren't developed, but their little hearts were beating as long as they could. They passed away within 13 minutes of each other, and I truly think that Adam was calling for Cody to come and be with him once again. We know they are waiting in Heaven for us, and will welcome us all with open arms when we are together as a family again one day:) Until then... they are both watching out over us as our Guardian Angels! How Blessed are we.. we not only have 1 gurdian angel, but 2!